Wellness – A Self Care Reminder

Where is your favorite place? If you could be anywhere, where would you be?

For me, it would be the beach without a doubt. I am fascinated why I opted 8.5 years ago to live a few hours away from the ocean other than it made a lot of sense on paper at the time. The warmth of the sun as it glistens on the water, the crashing sound of the waves and the birds, the soft sand, and the salty air. The beach is instant self care for me, all I need to do is take a walk there or sit and look out at the ocean, especially in the early morning or early evening when it is calmer and the sun sparkles on the water. When I use white noise, it is often ocean sounds although I will confess to loving the sounds of a city, haha! That’s years of living in NYC I suspect – I love a bit of hustle bustle traffic and general city noise in the background, like a lullaby. I know, I am not in the majority on this!

Recently, I had an important reminder to practice self care. I tend to go non-stop whether it is in general, motherhood, work, or anything really. There was a quote I saw recently that said, “if you don’t pick a day to relax, your body will pick it for you.” Wow – yes, that was very true! Which is what has been happening to me. I was always quick to fill everyone else’s cup and completely disregard my own. I told myself that I have to take care of 30,000 things before I rest, before I take care of me, before I what – eat lunch?! I mean, come on Laura. At some point, you have to stop pushing forward and create space. Anyone else? It seems so obvious when I type it out, but when I’m in it, I don’t see it.

Make Time for Practice

What I learned, and continue to learn for that matter, is that it is crucial for me to take care of myself first. I must and I mean MUST put my oxygen mask on before everyone else. I have been metaphorically running out of oxygen for years, probably even decades, too afraid to give myself that time and rest that I so desperately needed. The strong willed voices in our heads shouting at me that I am lazy or selfish. I am here to tell you that none of that is true and if you are telling yourself a similar statement, those Negative Nancy statements need to take a hike and not come back. Easier said than done, I realize this. It’s a practice, just like yoga, or meditation. Self care is something that I have to consciously do because my default is to go, go, go until there is nothing left and that serves no one well.

I have a few practices now that I follow (and this list might look very different for you!):

• Schedule self care every day (for me that is 2 hours) – it’s not selfish or indulgent, it’s responsible and you, your family, and friends will notice the difference
• Meditate – just 10 minutes a day! Whatever this means to you, it could be with an app, just closing your eyes and being still and quiet, sitting outside or connecting to nature, music, art, whatever is the right answer for you individually. Be still, quiet your mind, acknowledge the thoughts and then dismiss them, use it as a reset. There are lots of great apps out there to help with this, I currently use Insight Timer (it’s free!).
• Solitude and Connection – for me, I crave both which can be a confusing concept (hello fellow INFJ’s of the world!). I absolutely need connection with friends, family, or clients but I also require a significant amount of time alone to recharge my batteries and when I don’t respect that, I pay for it heavily in terms of mood, low energy, stress, and physical aches and pains. Depending on what suits you best, schedule this in with your self care time. It sounds simple, but the impact is exponential.
• Journaling – Sometimes when my mind is spinning, it helps to write it all down and then I can leave my thoughts or concerns on the page and not continue to carry them with me. When I was in college, one of my best friends gave me a beautiful wooden box which she named “The Closure Box.” When I needed to journal or write thoughts down or there is a spiral of information in my mind, I can journal and then put the paper in the box and close it. She’s a genius and I continue to practice this 20 years later.

Listen to your Body

When I listen to my needs, connect with others, take quiet time, meditate, spend time being creative or doing an activity that fills me up (like reading or knitting), I feel so much calmer and relaxed. Also, I do best living in an organized environment but that is not always easy with kids but we do our best! I even notice that when my kids’ playroom is messy, they start arguing and as soon as we clean up the playroom it is more peaceful again. Chaos makes my mind feel chaotic.

I can tell that journaling was a must for me as I wrote most of this blog post and then didn’t include it. It was full of ramblings and tangents. I think a lot of it was for me, the need to write, express what was swirling around inside, and then release it. A modern day closure box, I’ll just drop it off in the recycling bin of my computer.

How do you practice self care? I love hearing what works for other people and how we can help and inspire our community together!